I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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