I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
