He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
