No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
