3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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