Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i think i have herpe
just one?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
