I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Green mimosas i think yes
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
