the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize