I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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