my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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