apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Actions speak louder than pants.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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