whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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