I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
