obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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