Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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