I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
