At least make sure they are 18
Why
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
