My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
