i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
