just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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