dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
