why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
