One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
