goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
