Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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