He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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