Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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