You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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