he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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