I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
