Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I've blown a few things in my day
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Randomize
