You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
