Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
