does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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