Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
