remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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