i just had sex bonerless
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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