Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
