Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
