lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Randomize
