Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We named our party play list daddy issues
they need to just BURY HIM!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
