he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
