Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she told me i tasted like america
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
