All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
