Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
