another moral hangover. fuck.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize