You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
