i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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