He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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