youre lurking in front of me
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
