Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
