Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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