for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
