If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
