its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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