i just had sex bonerless
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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