Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
