Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
