Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
