while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I enjoy the company of your penis
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
