i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
