Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
