So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
