she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
