Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
barbara walters just said penis...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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