this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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