you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
